goodbye 2009. goodbye decade. goodbye yesterday. Onward to 2010. Onward to today and tomorrow!

Happy New Year!

I am sort of confused on how to sum up 2009. The final year of a wacky decade and a rather frustrating year at that. I started the decade in Florida to move to Ohio to eventually move to Arkansas then back to Ohio with plans to possibly move to Austin, Chicago or southern California. In this decade I have had a four year relationship that was similar to the decade, up and down with it ultimately ending. I graduated high school and college but have little to show for it. I have had jobs, promoted and fired. I have traveled and I have stayed home. I have crazy stories and stories not worth writing about. I feel sad and relieved by the simple fact that my greatest achievement in the past ten years is that I am alive, I have my family and friends, and that I have not given up yet. I don't know whether or not to look down upon this idea with frustration or to hold my head high and acknowledge that things could be much worse.

I started this blog almost 2 years ago and I am not famous for it or anything of the sort. I ponder, I type and I express feelings that rattle in my noggin. I could go on and fuss about the decade or this past year but I won't. This past year was hard. I have a hard time remembering when the last easy year came. Many make resolutions for the next year. Many hope that the next year will be better. Many wish to explore the possibilities of what will come around the next corner, or on the next train in to the station or simply what happens the next day. I try to resist resolutions, or hopes or even the moments of contemplation for what lies ahead because it seems rather pointless. I do not know what to do but I simply try to do the best I can with what I've got. I can only plan so much. I can only want so much. I can only hope for so much. My life is vastly different than I had hoped 10, 5 and even 1 year ago. I have made plans and many of them dashed. I have had hopes with many of them crushed. I have wanted much and have been neglected. It is easy to look down at this life and call it a failure but I won't do that. I have a loving family. I have friends. I have a bit of happiness and hope that shines through thick feelings of despair. Not all is lost and at times when things do not go your way it is easy to lose sight of all the good that surrounds you. Sure, I have a lot to be angry about but there is just as much that pleases me, if not more.

with that in mind... I plan to continue writing in this blog. I enjoy it. No one reads it but it allows me to express myself in some way. I plan to double the output of the previous year or at least try for one upload per week. I plan to start a second blog that focuses on my true love, the cinema. I hope to dish out my opinions on fame, stupid t-shirts, award ceremonies, travel, fashion, douche bags (the persona not the cleaning product), mix cd's, baseball, doughnuts, and much more. There isn't much that I don't want to tackle. I hope you will come along with me.

In the following week be sure to check this blog out because I will be posting my highly anticipated best music of 2009 blog as well as an exploration on how t-shirts have gone wrong.


thanks you for reading and good day or night.

An Idea - Boycott the BCS

I love college football but I hate the BCS.

It is around this time of year that the best college football teams in the country finish their season with bowl games. Yes, bowl games. Not a tournament but bowl games with most of them being absolutely meaningless. Why are they meaningless? Well if you win at least 6 games in a 12 game season you are eligible for a bowl game. Not a very high standard if you ask me. So if you are a college football team with a 6-6 record you can play in a meaningless game against a team with an 8-4 record. Why play these meaningless games? Profit. Profit? Yes, it's all about money. Surprised? I bet not. TV endorsements, promotions, ticket sales, vacation sales, merchandise and blah blah blah... are all very alluring.

There are many people across the country that believe college football would be better served with a tournament. I am not going to argue for or against a football tournament. Side note - get a dam tournament! Please!

The BCS believes that the system in place is the best system for the game, the students athletes and the participating universities. With the current system in place, some question whether or not the bowl system determines the best game or even the best team as the National Champion. With only bowl games remaining, five teams have an undefeated record. Four of the remaining undefeated teams will compete against one another in bowl games; Texas vs. Alabama in the national championship game and TCU vs. Boise State in the Fiesta Bowl. Undefeated Cincinnati will face one loss Florida. When the final whistle blows on all the bowl games, there will be the chance that 3 teams remain undefeated but only one will be named the BCS national champion; Alabama or Texas.

Is that fair? Umm, No. Does anybody care? Yes. Will this bogus system ever change or adopt a playoff to the right the wrong? Things are not looking up. Here is my suggestion to TCU, Boise State and Cincinnati... BOYCOTT THE BCS Bowl games.

What? Woah!

Yes! Boycott the games. Sure you might lose the millions of dollars from company sponsors and the national publicity that not only helps your football program but those interested in your academic institution. If you are going to be cheated so easily and casually without remorse then why not make a statement by boycotting a biased and unfair system. How huge of a statement would that be? I am sure you would get plenty of publicity from a well established and managed boycott of the games in which your argument for a playoff can be placed front and center. If the three undefeated teams not playing for a national championship decided that the system is unjust and not worthy of partaking in then I would not only laugh my rear off but I would also cheer and respect the guts it would take to make that stand.

It might seem rash and it could only work if TCU, Boise State and Cincinnati stood united and choose not to participate in the bowl games. One cannot stand alone but if all three should stand together in an attempt to fight the system then this could be straw that broke the camel's back.

Boycott the BCS - Cincinnati, Boise State, TCU. You can do it!

monk - a love story?

Tonight I spent my evening watching the series finale of Monk. The show premiered in 2002 and after eight seasons with over 120 episodes the crime solving comedy solved its last and most important case.

Monk stars Tony Shalhoub as a detective that suffers from extreme obsessive compulsive disorder and an array of phobias. His mental illness is exacerbated by the murder of his wife. Every episode he would come face to face with an unsolvable crime and due to his mental condition, was able to discover and uncover clues ignored by others.

I don't really want to recap the episodes or anything. In truth the show was nothing more than easy entertainment. the show in some ways capitalized on exaggerating his illness. Much of the crime investigations weren't all that difficult and in some ways many of the episodes were modeled after another pretty good crime show, Columbo. I was not a die hard fan. In fact, there are probably two or three seasons worth of episodes that I have missed but I hope that does not diminish my gratitude.

I guess all that I care to say is goodbye. Goodbye to a television show. Tony Shalhoub has been one of the best actors on television for the past 20 years and he was nothing short of brilliant on Monk. It was a sweet and charming show. A show I could watch with my father or mother. a show with a central character that was easy to like, applaud and so I did. It gave me hundreds of chuckles while sharing an endearing quality that many shows lack.

We, I rooted for Monk not simply because of his profession or his illness but because of the tragic events which escalated his illness; the murder of his wife along with his incapability at solving the crime. The affection for his wife was not told verbally at every turn but an effect we, the viewer saw in every episode as he struggled to shake hands with strangers or fight dirt, avoid undercooked food or keep his clothing wrinkle free. In the end, Monk was not a show about solving crimes but a show displaying the effect love has on the body, heart and mind and the lengths one will go to prevent that love from dying.

thank Tony Shalhoub, USA Network and those who kept the show going.

I'm Sick of Car Companies Not Giving Me What I Want

Every day I watch TV. Every day I watch car commercials promote the fabulous new features on current models. Features like a rear view cameras to prevent accidents while going in reverse. My suggestion would be, learn how to become a better driver. Features like rain sensing wipers for the days I go blind behind the wheel. Or cars that self park because I have become too lazy to do anything even park or find a valet.

I am Sick of Car Companies Not Giving Me What I Want.

I do not need heated seats or an 8 speed transmission. I do not need television screens on the back of head rests or auto dimming rear view mirrors.

I want my car to be safe and I want have SUPER FANTASTIC AWESOME GAS MILEAGE. I could care less for good gas mileage. It's the end of 2009 and 30-34 miles to the gallon doesn't cut it. Technology is dazzling and can do tremendous things, so i find it unfortunate and unbelievable that car companies have not been able to come up with a car that has better than good gas mileage.

What do I want? I want a car that gets a 100 miles per gallon. Invent a car with 100 miles per gallon and I promise you people will line up to buy it. Sell me a car that gets 100 miles per gallon and with a 13 gallon tank and I can drive from Cleveland to Miami, New York City to New Orleans or Seattle to Los Angeles on 1 fill up. If it is that easy for long road trips think how much easier your daily commutes to work will be. How nice would it be to to stop by the local pump once month or so?

Build me a car that can travel 100 miles per gallon and make it affordable to the masses and build it in the United States of America and then I will be excited. I don't know why Americans aren't going crazy and demanding for this fantasy to become a reality.

I cannot take another car commercial promoting something we don't need. Sure, luxury is nice but I would rather have a fuel efficient car over a smart car. I would rather have a fuel efficient car over a luxury car. I am smart enough and do not need my car to be smart for me. I don't make enough money for luxury and would love not spend hundreds of dollars a year on gasoline.

till then... Car companies... all of you... go fuck yourself.

And I Say This with Every Amount of Sincerity I Can Muster .... to the summer past... FUCK YOU!

Usually summer is a time to embrace the warmth of the sun and a sunny disposition but this summer has meant nothing but personal rejection, creative failures, financial dependence, romantic alienation, family turmoil and the actualization that life is a very fragile thing.

to the summer of 2009 - Fuck You !

that is all I can really say. I cannot change the heartbreak. I cannot change the minds of others. I cannot vanquish illness with a thought. I can cope and move forward but with a message to days past - Fuck You!

It might seem immature for an adult(?) to vent his frustrations with a shout, a finger and a new mentality to deny past events of any thoughtful consideration but I am not sure what else to do. It was a horrible summer, maybe the worst of my life. I welcome the fall and the chance for something better.

as fall approaches I can embrace what happens next and hope rock bottom has turned to rock solid. What happens next... A birthday to celebrate moral victory over defeat, a moment to give thanks for family and friends not lost or forgotten, and a holiday that I hope unifies those I see frequently with those I wish to see more of. Preparations for new adventures, new cities, new friends and new ideas all coming soon to a landscape near you.


To the selfish and cowardly this was not your fault but my salute is in your honor - Fuck You! To those who think I am simply not ready - Fuck You! To those who think I should change who I am to reflect your beliefs and ideals - Fuck You!

To those who are suffering through similar struggles, for better or for worse - I understand and wish you the best of luck. To those who believe in me and support me - Thank you.

U2 360 Tour

When U2 released their new album No Line On The Horizon back in early March there was not a lot of buzz generated by the group and their efforts. Hailed by some and hated by others, it lacked a gimmick like their previous two albums. All that You Can't Leave Behind was a comeback for the band; a return to basics and pop song writing. How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb had the huge Apple I-Pod campaign surrounding it. Early hype for the new record created the notion that this would be the best record of their storied career. It is not their best record and not even their best record released this decade. So since the album had generated little buzz, the band sought out to create a tour that would put everyone on notice... U2 has arrived (again) and still rocks.

In the past two decades U2 has welcomed bold stage designs for their concerts; the dark industrial look of the ZooTV/Zooropa tour, the McDonalds arch, the lemon disco ball and the neon of the PopMart tour and now the Claw. The Claw is a huge stage piece of brilliant design and awe inspiring magnitude.



The Claw allows the band to perform for the entire audience at any stadium. It is not like most stages that only allow 75% of the audience to enjoy the show. Not one corner of the stadium would be neglected as the band moved across the circular stage trying to reach out to every corner of the audience.

The band started out with four tracks off of the new record and would push through much of the show with songs from the new millennium. They dipped in the well of their classics, playing "One," "Where the Streets Have No Name," and "Pride (In the Name of Love)." They finished off "Beautiful Day," with an impromptu version of the Beatles classic "Blackbird" and even threw in a bit of "Oliver's Army" during the break of "Sunday Bloody Sunday." Live favorites like "Bullet the Blue Sky" and "New Year's Day" were pushed aside for songs like "The Unforgettable Fire" and "Ultraviolet (Light My Way)" which have not been performed stateside for over 15 years. The band displayed that they could continue to perform at a high level. Even the remix dance hall version of "I'm Going to Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight" sounded fresh and hip, besting the bands previous attempts to turn a stadium into a dance floor.

Unfortunately while the Edge, Adam and Larry performed at a high level, Bono lacked the urgency and sincerity of past performances. He was energetic and grand like typical Bono but lacked the ferocity of previous tours. Bono has thrived when pushed by social commitment, emotional burden or the perception that the band has lost its relevance. 80's Bono was pushed by a will to succeed, the death of his mother and social causes. 90's Bono was fueled by the constant reinvention of the band. In 2000 Bono was pushed by what he acknowledged as the bands efforts and re-application to be the world's greatest band. A few years later Bono was motivated by the threat of middle age and the passing of his father. What fuels Bono now? His earnest push for social change seems watered down. His ability to create clever slogans has turned into a weakness that does nothing but commercialize his cause. Videos of a war torn middle east during "Sunday Bloody Sunday" and a video clips of Africa trying to cope through AIDS and malaria seem to induce sympathy rather than social change. Even the moving tribute to Burmese leader Aung San Suu Kyi during "Walk On" felt a bit out of place. Some have criticized the band for inviting politics and social agenda on this tour while the 120 semi's used to haul the massive stage leave a massive carbon footprint. It is hard to criticize a band trying to do good especially when the criticism is that they could do a better job of being good people and promoting causes many neglect. Should we blame them for our high expectations? I think not.

Despite the show lacking some of the sincerity and intimacy of their two previous tours or the media overload of the 90's mega-tours, U2's 360 tour was a joyous event. Bono constantly promoting the notion that, "all you need is love" and a spaceship if handy was inspiring. Hope and possibility was in the air, sponsored by ingenuity and clapping hands. The sound and stage were dynamic but never overshadowed the band's love of performing. If anything U2 might not be pushing new boundaries but refuse to settle. They could get away with playing their standards in arenas and making a 20,000 people seem like a few hundred but choose to dazzle 65,000 people like they were 65,000 fans united by their belief in the band and their music. Grand spectacle is what the band wants to deliver and maybe grand spectacle is what rock music needs. Congratulations U2 for a good show and a job well done.



the setlist

"Breathe"
"No Line on the Horizon"
"Get On Your Boots"
"Magnificent"
"Beautiful Day/Blackbird"
"Elevation"
"I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"
"Stand by Me"
"Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of"
"Unknown Caller"
"The Unforgettable Fire"
"City of Blinding Lights"
"Vertigo"
"I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight"
"Sunday Bloody Sunday"
"Pride (In the Name of Love)"
"MLK"
"Walk On"
"Where the Streets Have No Name"
Africa Interlude
"One
"Bad/Fool to Cry/40"
"Ultraviolet (Light My Way"
"With or Without You"

I Believe in Beatles and Me

This past week, for the first time the Beatles release their catalog in its entirety with digitally mastered sound. For some it has been a long, long wait. It is a project four years in the making and 22 years overdue, as a group of engineers in London at Abbey Road Studios with careful supervision done by Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr try to revamp, clean and perfect the sound of the most influential group in music history.

I don't think it is my job to tell you how important the Beatles are or what their music means to people. I can tell you that in the eyes of this blogger, they are the most important and greatest band of any time. I don't think there is another group as large, important, successful, idolized, revered, and influential as the Beatles. Recording 13 albums in 8 years, each with it's own sound, identity, soul, and of course breakthrough songs.

Like many my age, the Beatles were introduced to me by my parents. I was born 12 years after their official breakup and 2 years after the murder of John Lennon. A reunion was never in the cards. I never saw a live performance or had the initial thrill of their performance on the Ed Sullivan Show. As a young boy, I discovered the Beatles in my mother's car. She had the Beatles 1962-66 (also known as the Red Album) on cassette. It was a collection of their pop hits. She would play it most of the time when she drove me to school or McDonalds, to a friends house or to the store. I didn't really know who the Beatles were or what their songs meant to the billions have that enjoyed listening to their music for almost 4 decades. I thought the music was catchy and would rather listen to them over Michael Bolton or Patsy Cline. Now, I feel differently about Patsy Cline. As time passed, a new car was purchased and the cassettes were traded in for compact discs. Even though things had changed, my shy hum with the whisper of my mother singing the songs was still present in her new car.

My father never sang the Beatles with me. He was never a huge fan of rock and roll. Much of his life he declared his distaste for the musical form. Consistently showing his disapproval of rock music, he was quick to make note that rock music began and ended with the Beatles. If the classic Beatles hit, "Yesterday" has been recorded over 3,000 times by as many artists then my father was able to present me various salsa, latin folk and jazz versions of the smash hit. To this day, rock may not begin and end with the Beatles but according to my father there is little need to go elsewhere to satisfy your rock urge.

As I grew older the pop nature of songs like "I Want to Hold Your Hand" and "You've Got To Hide Your Love Away" were delightful but not as satisfying as "Strawberry Fields Forever" or "While My Guitar Gently Weeps." As a boy I didn't understand why the White Album was so important and now I understand its importance to music but I still try to unravel its effect upon me. As I grow older the same songs that had such a large effect upon me have new meanings and old favorites cement their influence.

It is hard to find people my age that appreciate the Beatles. It might not be hard to find people but it is hard for me to find friends, colleagues or music fans that will sit with me and smoke a cigarette while listening to the White Album. I don't know many who will sing the night away to Rubber Soul and Revolver. Or anyone who will toast the sunrise to "Here Comes the Sun" with a nice bottle of whiskey. I don't know many people I can connect with on the topic of music. Nor can I find anyone to share the experience of singing the Beatles the way I had with my mother on those car rides or debating the merits of rock music with my father.

It is easy to dismiss the Beatles. It seems easy to neglect their significance or how delightful their music sounds. Before their albums were re-released I had forgotten how joyous some of the songs were. It has been so easy to sit in an uncomfortable chair, worried about everything in this life and ignore all of it while listening Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. I think it is easy to dismiss the mythology of the Beatles or forget how four young men with uniquely different identities, perspectives and personalities created some of the most memorable music of this or any century. The Beatles might not only be the best band in the history of music but possibly its best story.

to the Beatles... thank you.

some side notes.

favorite Beatle during the band years - John

favorite Beatle post band years and as solo artist - George

favorite Album - battle between Abbey Road and Rubber Soul

Favorite Songs (because it is impossible to pick one so here is about ten or so)

"Here Comes the Sun"

"I Want You (She's so Heavy"

"A Day In the Life"

"In My Life"

"I'll Follow the Sun"

"I've Just Seen a Face"

"The Fool On the Hill"

"Strawberry Fields Forever"

"Don't Let Me Down"
"Get Back"

it's too hard to choose... i cannot choose all of them