Baseball: 2011 Prediction

Someone once said that the three greatest things America ever invented were the Constitution, Jazz and Baseball. I have a hard time not agreeing with any of this.

I love the game of baseball. Though due to personal reasons like moving to the opposite end of the country, I have not followed spring training as much as I would like but here we go with some predictions.

American League

Central Winner - Chicago White Sox. I picked them last year and I was wrong. It's really up in the air who wins this division

West Winner - Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. I don't think Texas can repeat the magic.

East Winner - New York Yankees. Now that the Rays will suck and even though Boston reloaded, the Yankees have one more year of magic in them.

Wild Card Winner - Boston Red Sox. I think Becket and Lackey are done but the team has so much depth that will propel them into the playoffs where the offense will catch fire.

National League

East Winner - Atlanta Braves. I picked them last year and I was wrong. I think they shock everybody.

West Winner - San Francisco Giants. I think they have a young enough team with enough wild and cooky guys that they won't lose their edge.

Central Winner - Cincinnati Reds. Every other team in the division sucks.

Wild Card Winner - Philadelphia Phillies. Pitching will help a struggling offense.


But who wins in the playoffs?????

Well pitching is what wins in the playoffs, that and key hits during key situations. So... In the American League, I foresee the Angels playing the Red Sox for the American League Pennant and the Giants against the Phillies for the National League Pennant.

the World Series will be the Red Sox versus the Phillies, with Red Sox winning. (that is my heart speaking)

My mind thinks it will be the Giants versus the Yankess but fuck that.

Sleeper teams. The Oakland Athletics and the Milwaukee Brewers. Watch out!

another great year ahead. I love this game and like Ernie Banks would say, "let's play two."

Breast Saves Woman from Snake

In an attempt to encourage more sexiest behavior (insert evil laugh) I share with you this story.

According to my local radio station, theSun.co.uk, as well as other media outlets a model was filmed playing with a tame snake until she acts clumsily, lets go of the head and in a moment of carelessness and absolute hilarity the snake attacks her surgically enhanced boob.

What happens next is unbelievable but true with a lesson all women should learn. The woman would be fine. She survived the snake's onslaught with a trip to the emergency room and a tetanus shot. The snake did not survive the silicone poisoning.

Woman Vs. Nature? Woman. Or at least science.

Thank you science for body enhancement. Let this be a lesson to all women before playing with snakes. Don't be stupid and if you are stupid then get fake breasts first.

thank you and goodnight.

a link. enjoy

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3466265/Snake-dies-after-biting-girls-breast.html

Paper Towels. There Must Be Paper Towels

I hate when I walk into a bathroom, use the toilet, wash my hands (yes, I wash my hands) and there are no paper towels.

Hand dryers are WORTHLESS! I won't get into how sanitary (?) they are or how I am saving the planet by using them (?) or how they are never ever hot enough to dry anything. They are simply a waste. A waste I say.

Paper Towels. There must be paper towels! I don't want a hand dryer. I don't want that hand towel thing that hangs like wet laundry. What is that? you know it looks like a paper dispenser with a cloth towel that wraps in itself. I don't know. Explaining it just gets me all flustered. I hate it!

I need paper towels. Am I killing trees. Yes? I'll start to make an effort to try to plant more trees. I know that last sentence seems like progressive procrastination but come on, give me a break, I'm worried about hygiene.

Studies show that the dirtiest, most germ populated area of the the bathroom is the door handle. This is less scary when the bathroom exit involves a push door. I can open a push door with my foot but what if it is a pull door, a pull door with a handle or worse, a pull door with a handle that must be turned to open? In the worst scenario, I have to grab the hands twist it for long enough to open the door with a enough effort to get it open and catch the door with my foot. A paper towel eliminates some if not most of this fear. Okay, it eliminates a lot of this fear.

Bathroom door handles are dirty. I can say for a fact that they are dirty. You don't have to be a genius to discover this simple fact. An easy examination of any male bathroom would allow you to realize that 73% of men don't wash their hands. Yes, i know shocking. It is has been a fantasy of mine go to a hip place and spend a significant time in the bathroom only to record those that do and do not wash their hands and rat them out publicly. Unfortunately I have the bravery of Scooby Doo, the tact of Inspector Gadget and fighting skill of Dark Wing Duck which doesn't allow proper defense to ward off big and scary dudes. So that fantasy will remain a fantasy. By the way, a disclaimer - I have no way to prove that 73% figure. Of the remaining 27% that do wash their hands, 11% don't use soap or wash for more than 10 seconds. My goodness! With all these factors, why in the hell would you want to touch a bathroom door handle. Why in the hell would you want to shake hands with anyone? Ugh, I am scaring myself.

Dudes, stop being so rude and disgusting and wash your hands. I don't want to imagine what happens in the ladies room. No, imagination closed. The only good thing about the AH1N1 paranoia is that at least some people were and are willing to wash their hands more often or carry Purell. More and more places now have Purell stations for easy hand sanitizing and I am all for it. I am for forward progress. I am pro productivity. Hit me with your best shot! Sorry, I was feeling electric.

Paper Towels please. Save my sanity.

doesn't that feel good.

thank you and goodnight.