And I Say This with Every Amount of Sincerity I Can Muster .... to the summer past... FUCK YOU!

Usually summer is a time to embrace the warmth of the sun and a sunny disposition but this summer has meant nothing but personal rejection, creative failures, financial dependence, romantic alienation, family turmoil and the actualization that life is a very fragile thing.

to the summer of 2009 - Fuck You !

that is all I can really say. I cannot change the heartbreak. I cannot change the minds of others. I cannot vanquish illness with a thought. I can cope and move forward but with a message to days past - Fuck You!

It might seem immature for an adult(?) to vent his frustrations with a shout, a finger and a new mentality to deny past events of any thoughtful consideration but I am not sure what else to do. It was a horrible summer, maybe the worst of my life. I welcome the fall and the chance for something better.

as fall approaches I can embrace what happens next and hope rock bottom has turned to rock solid. What happens next... A birthday to celebrate moral victory over defeat, a moment to give thanks for family and friends not lost or forgotten, and a holiday that I hope unifies those I see frequently with those I wish to see more of. Preparations for new adventures, new cities, new friends and new ideas all coming soon to a landscape near you.


To the selfish and cowardly this was not your fault but my salute is in your honor - Fuck You! To those who think I am simply not ready - Fuck You! To those who think I should change who I am to reflect your beliefs and ideals - Fuck You!

To those who are suffering through similar struggles, for better or for worse - I understand and wish you the best of luck. To those who believe in me and support me - Thank you.

U2 360 Tour

When U2 released their new album No Line On The Horizon back in early March there was not a lot of buzz generated by the group and their efforts. Hailed by some and hated by others, it lacked a gimmick like their previous two albums. All that You Can't Leave Behind was a comeback for the band; a return to basics and pop song writing. How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb had the huge Apple I-Pod campaign surrounding it. Early hype for the new record created the notion that this would be the best record of their storied career. It is not their best record and not even their best record released this decade. So since the album had generated little buzz, the band sought out to create a tour that would put everyone on notice... U2 has arrived (again) and still rocks.

In the past two decades U2 has welcomed bold stage designs for their concerts; the dark industrial look of the ZooTV/Zooropa tour, the McDonalds arch, the lemon disco ball and the neon of the PopMart tour and now the Claw. The Claw is a huge stage piece of brilliant design and awe inspiring magnitude.



The Claw allows the band to perform for the entire audience at any stadium. It is not like most stages that only allow 75% of the audience to enjoy the show. Not one corner of the stadium would be neglected as the band moved across the circular stage trying to reach out to every corner of the audience.

The band started out with four tracks off of the new record and would push through much of the show with songs from the new millennium. They dipped in the well of their classics, playing "One," "Where the Streets Have No Name," and "Pride (In the Name of Love)." They finished off "Beautiful Day," with an impromptu version of the Beatles classic "Blackbird" and even threw in a bit of "Oliver's Army" during the break of "Sunday Bloody Sunday." Live favorites like "Bullet the Blue Sky" and "New Year's Day" were pushed aside for songs like "The Unforgettable Fire" and "Ultraviolet (Light My Way)" which have not been performed stateside for over 15 years. The band displayed that they could continue to perform at a high level. Even the remix dance hall version of "I'm Going to Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight" sounded fresh and hip, besting the bands previous attempts to turn a stadium into a dance floor.

Unfortunately while the Edge, Adam and Larry performed at a high level, Bono lacked the urgency and sincerity of past performances. He was energetic and grand like typical Bono but lacked the ferocity of previous tours. Bono has thrived when pushed by social commitment, emotional burden or the perception that the band has lost its relevance. 80's Bono was pushed by a will to succeed, the death of his mother and social causes. 90's Bono was fueled by the constant reinvention of the band. In 2000 Bono was pushed by what he acknowledged as the bands efforts and re-application to be the world's greatest band. A few years later Bono was motivated by the threat of middle age and the passing of his father. What fuels Bono now? His earnest push for social change seems watered down. His ability to create clever slogans has turned into a weakness that does nothing but commercialize his cause. Videos of a war torn middle east during "Sunday Bloody Sunday" and a video clips of Africa trying to cope through AIDS and malaria seem to induce sympathy rather than social change. Even the moving tribute to Burmese leader Aung San Suu Kyi during "Walk On" felt a bit out of place. Some have criticized the band for inviting politics and social agenda on this tour while the 120 semi's used to haul the massive stage leave a massive carbon footprint. It is hard to criticize a band trying to do good especially when the criticism is that they could do a better job of being good people and promoting causes many neglect. Should we blame them for our high expectations? I think not.

Despite the show lacking some of the sincerity and intimacy of their two previous tours or the media overload of the 90's mega-tours, U2's 360 tour was a joyous event. Bono constantly promoting the notion that, "all you need is love" and a spaceship if handy was inspiring. Hope and possibility was in the air, sponsored by ingenuity and clapping hands. The sound and stage were dynamic but never overshadowed the band's love of performing. If anything U2 might not be pushing new boundaries but refuse to settle. They could get away with playing their standards in arenas and making a 20,000 people seem like a few hundred but choose to dazzle 65,000 people like they were 65,000 fans united by their belief in the band and their music. Grand spectacle is what the band wants to deliver and maybe grand spectacle is what rock music needs. Congratulations U2 for a good show and a job well done.



the setlist

"Breathe"
"No Line on the Horizon"
"Get On Your Boots"
"Magnificent"
"Beautiful Day/Blackbird"
"Elevation"
"I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"
"Stand by Me"
"Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of"
"Unknown Caller"
"The Unforgettable Fire"
"City of Blinding Lights"
"Vertigo"
"I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight"
"Sunday Bloody Sunday"
"Pride (In the Name of Love)"
"MLK"
"Walk On"
"Where the Streets Have No Name"
Africa Interlude
"One
"Bad/Fool to Cry/40"
"Ultraviolet (Light My Way"
"With or Without You"

I Believe in Beatles and Me

This past week, for the first time the Beatles release their catalog in its entirety with digitally mastered sound. For some it has been a long, long wait. It is a project four years in the making and 22 years overdue, as a group of engineers in London at Abbey Road Studios with careful supervision done by Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr try to revamp, clean and perfect the sound of the most influential group in music history.

I don't think it is my job to tell you how important the Beatles are or what their music means to people. I can tell you that in the eyes of this blogger, they are the most important and greatest band of any time. I don't think there is another group as large, important, successful, idolized, revered, and influential as the Beatles. Recording 13 albums in 8 years, each with it's own sound, identity, soul, and of course breakthrough songs.

Like many my age, the Beatles were introduced to me by my parents. I was born 12 years after their official breakup and 2 years after the murder of John Lennon. A reunion was never in the cards. I never saw a live performance or had the initial thrill of their performance on the Ed Sullivan Show. As a young boy, I discovered the Beatles in my mother's car. She had the Beatles 1962-66 (also known as the Red Album) on cassette. It was a collection of their pop hits. She would play it most of the time when she drove me to school or McDonalds, to a friends house or to the store. I didn't really know who the Beatles were or what their songs meant to the billions have that enjoyed listening to their music for almost 4 decades. I thought the music was catchy and would rather listen to them over Michael Bolton or Patsy Cline. Now, I feel differently about Patsy Cline. As time passed, a new car was purchased and the cassettes were traded in for compact discs. Even though things had changed, my shy hum with the whisper of my mother singing the songs was still present in her new car.

My father never sang the Beatles with me. He was never a huge fan of rock and roll. Much of his life he declared his distaste for the musical form. Consistently showing his disapproval of rock music, he was quick to make note that rock music began and ended with the Beatles. If the classic Beatles hit, "Yesterday" has been recorded over 3,000 times by as many artists then my father was able to present me various salsa, latin folk and jazz versions of the smash hit. To this day, rock may not begin and end with the Beatles but according to my father there is little need to go elsewhere to satisfy your rock urge.

As I grew older the pop nature of songs like "I Want to Hold Your Hand" and "You've Got To Hide Your Love Away" were delightful but not as satisfying as "Strawberry Fields Forever" or "While My Guitar Gently Weeps." As a boy I didn't understand why the White Album was so important and now I understand its importance to music but I still try to unravel its effect upon me. As I grow older the same songs that had such a large effect upon me have new meanings and old favorites cement their influence.

It is hard to find people my age that appreciate the Beatles. It might not be hard to find people but it is hard for me to find friends, colleagues or music fans that will sit with me and smoke a cigarette while listening to the White Album. I don't know many who will sing the night away to Rubber Soul and Revolver. Or anyone who will toast the sunrise to "Here Comes the Sun" with a nice bottle of whiskey. I don't know many people I can connect with on the topic of music. Nor can I find anyone to share the experience of singing the Beatles the way I had with my mother on those car rides or debating the merits of rock music with my father.

It is easy to dismiss the Beatles. It seems easy to neglect their significance or how delightful their music sounds. Before their albums were re-released I had forgotten how joyous some of the songs were. It has been so easy to sit in an uncomfortable chair, worried about everything in this life and ignore all of it while listening Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. I think it is easy to dismiss the mythology of the Beatles or forget how four young men with uniquely different identities, perspectives and personalities created some of the most memorable music of this or any century. The Beatles might not only be the best band in the history of music but possibly its best story.

to the Beatles... thank you.

some side notes.

favorite Beatle during the band years - John

favorite Beatle post band years and as solo artist - George

favorite Album - battle between Abbey Road and Rubber Soul

Favorite Songs (because it is impossible to pick one so here is about ten or so)

"Here Comes the Sun"

"I Want You (She's so Heavy"

"A Day In the Life"

"In My Life"

"I'll Follow the Sun"

"I've Just Seen a Face"

"The Fool On the Hill"

"Strawberry Fields Forever"

"Don't Let Me Down"
"Get Back"

it's too hard to choose... i cannot choose all of them

me... who is that? the return

some have said that this blog does not allow people to understand me or know me on a personal level, so here it goes.

Within weeks I will be 27 years old. I don't like discussing my birthday. I am not a big fan of celebrating my birthday. I don't even tell people when my birthday is as an attempt to avoid anything that might occur. I will not mention what day my birthday is. It doesn't make me feel older but it does make me feel displeased with my accomplishments.

For the first time since my freshman year in college I am unemployed. Throughout my life, I have worked as an assistant to a maintenance man, a doughnut shop clerk, record store manager, production assistant for a TV documentary, fitness aid at a gym, and a sales clerk for a clothing store but my business card has me listed as super awesome guy. I used to love working. I really enjoyed being productive, having a schedule, making paper and feeling valuable to something or someone. My last two jobs have taught me the importance of working for good people, a good company and for good reason because otherwise you just get taken advantage of. I won't deny it, I'm a bit bitter.

Some suggest that I have not been happy with my recent labor because I am not doing what I love. I would love to write. I would love to write and make a living from it. I have recently entered writing competitions and was rejected. Before my rejection I had doubts about my abilities and now my doubts have ballooned like a wet sponge or perhaps like a balloon. I want to write movies. Like all writers, I don't think that I am pinned down to one style or genre. It's a bullshit claim we all like to subscribe to and promote. One day I hope to pay homage to the directors that have inspired me... Keaton, Chaplin, Godard, Truffaut, Cassavettes, Fellini and many more. I love the cinema and at one time it filled this empty mind with ideas, my directionless heart with motivation and my dull spirit with entertainment.

Am I an artist? I don't know. Am I writer? I cannot answer that either. Some suggest that one needs to have an audience to be a writer or an artist. Others suggest that an audience cannot validate my ambitions and dreams. I am fickle when determining which one of these notions is correct or fits me best. I do know this... I write because I love it. It is a relief. It might be the only thing I do with some ability and I am better at it now than I was ten years ago and hope to be better tomorrow than I am today.

I have been a bit down as of late but I am trying to make my way back to happiness. Death, failure and girls have been on my mind a lot of as late. Those are not necessarily synonymous with one another. I have never had anyone close to me die. I do not know what I would do if death came in the mail or knocked at my door. As of late everything effects me emotionally. My emotions have been on a roller coaster ride and I hate roller coasters.

Changing topic. I believe in moderation and balance. I am a libra and some suggest that as a cause. I don't know. I dismiss astrology but check it every now and then thinking it might give me a leg up on certain situations. I think balance is key to good government, good relationships, and even a good meal. I think trying to define yourself by one thing or one ideology is silly. Everyone has some good and some bad, and it is up to the individual to decide which path to follow. Am I saying this world is a grey one as opposed to a black and white one? It might be all three.

I am a liberal or a democrat. I hate political association. Political parties didn't work for George Washington and they don't work for me. I love history and feel more people should learn about the past. I strongly endorse the notion that you cannot know where you are going if you do not know where you have been. I believe that government belongs to the people, not one group of persons or even several different groups of people. Government belongs to everyone and should do its best to reflect and work for the people. In the end, we are all in this together.

All this might be a little vague but I have been accused of similar crimes. I do not let many get close but I am trying to correct the errors of my past. To be honest, reading my blog might be one of the best ways, if not the best way to understand how I think. I do fear being vulnerable to too many people and for that reason I try to keep my private life private. I don't always succeed.

Let me hit you with some basic facts to end this blog. I write but I am a horrible speller and proof reader. You can catch me several times a day, at the mall or at the gym playing air guitar. I hope to give my children absurd names as if I were a celebrity. I want to learn to tango dance. I recently started collecting post cards and beer brand coasters. Silence scares me. I love sitting on the passenger seat and looking out the window of a moving car. Curdle is my least favorite word. I believe in aliens, vampires and other possible monsters. I have never seen an alien, vampire or other possible monsters. I do not think you can ever have too much of a good thing. I think accents are overrated. Part one of this series was written in may and note to self - sequels are rarely as good as the original. It seems like nothing is made in America anymore and I hate that. I enjoy drinking out of mugs, pints and jars. I waste water to enjoy long and hot showers. I want to dress like Cary Grant. I believe in the power of the mixtape. I want a tattoo but don't know what. I wonder if there ever was a purpose for learning cursive. I think love or being in love can have mythical powers filled with lightning bolts, the ability to heal and defy gravity. And like you, I'm just trying to do the best I can with what I've got.

Air Compressed Car - Madness !

In India and France scientists and engineers are doing wonderful things with science, technology and magic. No, not magic but ingenuity. These mad men of the laboratory are trying to help society commute from point A to point B and back by using air compressed cars. AIR COMPRESSED CARS!!!! The insanity!

This is not a new idea. In fact, the air compressed car has been in the works since the late 1990's and could be on the market sometime next year. I cannot explain the science of how it works because I might not do it justice but I can tell you in era where fuel efficiency is a hot topic, the air compressed car will hopefully set the world on fire.

Pending on the model of your air compressed car, it can reach speeds of 65-90 mph. An air tank should be able to fuel the car for 125 miles and cost about $3 dollars to fill. There is even an option in which the car can refuel itself by purchasing a specifically designed air compressor for the home.

The benefits of this car are the decrease in CO2 emissions and an alternative fuel source to power public and private transportation. Air or most specifically compressed air is not a rare commodity, thus allowing a steady price for consumers rather than the consistently fluctuating price of gasoline. Simply put, the air compressed car is better for the environment and your wallet.

I don't think this is the only solution but it can be a viable alternative. Why can't Americans embrace the automobile and the air compressed car? Why must there only be one type of car to drive or one way to manufacture a form of transportation?

I don't want to think of Americans as selfish and shallow. I don't think Americans only want to drive large, fuel hungry automobiles that do nothing but show off or over-compensate for other qualities they lack. I don't think Americans are speed junkies and only care to drive fast cars so they can land fast women/men. I'm tired of Americans coming up for excuses why alternative forms of transportation like the air compressed car cannot work. I wish more Americans could start to think openly about how this could work or maybe more importantly, why it should work.