Paper Towels. There Must Be Paper Towels

I hate when I walk into a bathroom, use the toilet, wash my hands (yes, I wash my hands) and there are no paper towels.

Hand dryers are WORTHLESS! I won't get into how sanitary (?) they are or how I am saving the planet by using them (?) or how they are never ever hot enough to dry anything. They are simply a waste. A waste I say.

Paper Towels. There must be paper towels! I don't want a hand dryer. I don't want that hand towel thing that hangs like wet laundry. What is that? you know it looks like a paper dispenser with a cloth towel that wraps in itself. I don't know. Explaining it just gets me all flustered. I hate it!

I need paper towels. Am I killing trees. Yes? I'll start to make an effort to try to plant more trees. I know that last sentence seems like progressive procrastination but come on, give me a break, I'm worried about hygiene.

Studies show that the dirtiest, most germ populated area of the the bathroom is the door handle. This is less scary when the bathroom exit involves a push door. I can open a push door with my foot but what if it is a pull door, a pull door with a handle or worse, a pull door with a handle that must be turned to open? In the worst scenario, I have to grab the hands twist it for long enough to open the door with a enough effort to get it open and catch the door with my foot. A paper towel eliminates some if not most of this fear. Okay, it eliminates a lot of this fear.

Bathroom door handles are dirty. I can say for a fact that they are dirty. You don't have to be a genius to discover this simple fact. An easy examination of any male bathroom would allow you to realize that 73% of men don't wash their hands. Yes, i know shocking. It is has been a fantasy of mine go to a hip place and spend a significant time in the bathroom only to record those that do and do not wash their hands and rat them out publicly. Unfortunately I have the bravery of Scooby Doo, the tact of Inspector Gadget and fighting skill of Dark Wing Duck which doesn't allow proper defense to ward off big and scary dudes. So that fantasy will remain a fantasy. By the way, a disclaimer - I have no way to prove that 73% figure. Of the remaining 27% that do wash their hands, 11% don't use soap or wash for more than 10 seconds. My goodness! With all these factors, why in the hell would you want to touch a bathroom door handle. Why in the hell would you want to shake hands with anyone? Ugh, I am scaring myself.

Dudes, stop being so rude and disgusting and wash your hands. I don't want to imagine what happens in the ladies room. No, imagination closed. The only good thing about the AH1N1 paranoia is that at least some people were and are willing to wash their hands more often or carry Purell. More and more places now have Purell stations for easy hand sanitizing and I am all for it. I am for forward progress. I am pro productivity. Hit me with your best shot! Sorry, I was feeling electric.

Paper Towels please. Save my sanity.

doesn't that feel good.

thank you and goodnight.