to my friends... thank you

I know this cannot embody the thanks I owe but I can consider a step.


I am not going to dive into the depths of what I have been thinking but I will say this, the 26th year of my life has been one of the most difficult years of my short existence. It has been a very hard year. Sadness seems to be a dish served frequently. I have been kicked and kicked and then as I feel the momentum shift, a strong wind knocks me down once again. My recent days have been lacking any remorse as they even kick me while I am face down in the ground. I have not been strong enough to brush these pains off as it it were dirt on my shoulder. The past few month have been very hard.

It has been in these past few months when good friends, old and new, near and far have come to me to offer their hands in friendship, a hug to console, and an ear to listen to the trouble I'm going through. I don't talk very much or openly about what I am feeling. I have never been good at allowing people to see what lies underneath. Many know of my reluctance to speak openly about what I feel but that has not detoured many of my friends from wanting to listen and help.

Feeling like a failure in more ways than one, doubting my skills and abilities, broke and broken, I have been feeling very much alone. It is a naive thing to feel alone in your sadness. It is the silly trap of sadness and a naive way to think that no one can understand, relate or share your pain. I have not been alone except when I choose to be. I have not been alone because my friends have been there for me.

Many of my friends have proven ever present and greatly important. Never allowing me to hang my head in defeat. Never allowing me to swallow my misery. Reminding me that I have talents and skills that are worth exploring and need to be appreciated. Reminding me that I am a good man and good things can and will happen. My friends have been more than a raft to float upon but also provided the sail to help push me in new directions. Whether they are involved in a night of mayhem and tomfoolery, helping me find a better job or even helping me navigate through my thoughts and feeling, without my friends this past year would have been a year lost with little hope for the next.

Being lucky or feeling lucky might dismiss all of this as chance and does not describe how I truly feel. I am very proud and honored to have friends that care for me, help me and believe in me. They represent the best parts of living and I only hope that I can be as good of a friend to them as they have been to me. I won't deny that I am still a bit down but a change is going to come. I will rise. I will smile again and that smile will be a consistent occurrence on my face.

thanks to those who have been there... thank you, oh so very much.