me... who is that?

some have said that my blog does not allow people to understand me or know me on a personal level so here it goes.

as of may 25 2009, I am 26 years, some months and some days old. I feel older but on occasion act like a 15 year old girl. My body parts suggest that I am male. I am attracted to women, so society would suggest that I am straight. I have been in love, more than once so lightning can strike twice. I would say it has struck four times. Love has allowed me to be bold and stupid. I have been bad in relationships and those have failed. I have been great in relationships and those have failed. I am not sure what success is. Recent history would suggest that sharks bite with sharp teeth.

As a child my favorite sport was basketball. As an emerging adult, my favorite sport is baseball. I root for the Red Sox even though I am not from Boston or new england. I love sports which surprises some. I once had a decent or moderate collection of sport playing cards. I plan to pass those on to my children. I do not have any children, yet. 'Yet' does not mean that I am expecting at the current moment but hopeful that one day I will have created a better version of me. Hopefully a child of mine will posses some of the skill in athletics that I was never strong enough to nurture.

As of today I have 24,199 songs on my i-tunes. The most played song at 103 spins is "Gentle on My Mind" by Johnny Cash with Glen Campbell. I still buy CD's. I went to school to study film but Hollywood doesn't make anything that interests me anymore. My favorite movie is The Third Man. Movies are movies, films are movies, movies can be films, and I am pretentious. There isn't much to watch on television anymore either. I hate reality TV and I hate YouTube. Music and movies might be the only stable thing I have in this life.

I love useless facts like Hawaii being the only state in the US with a royal palace or that manatees despite given the nickname of "sea cow" are more closely related to elephants. Or if you fill a container with 14% sawdust and 86% water and freeze it, you get something with similar strength and durability to that of concrete. I think knowledge has no limits other than the limits we impose on it. I dislike it when people think they are always right or that there way of thought is the only acceptable way to think. I think liking something or enjoying something doesn't mean that it is right, good or justified. "just because," is never a suitable answer for enjoying something or believing in something else.

I have my faults. I am paranoid. I can be distant and cold. I dislike most children and refused to be swayed by the argument that they are young or cute therefore their annoying habits are acceptable. While on the topic of children, I think most parents shouldn't be parents and I am very close to believing that some sort of test should be given to those wanting children.

I drink. I prefer quality beer when my bank account allows it. I prefer cheap beer when my bank account is empty. I drink as a social activity but do not shy away from the solitary moments of drinking. It sometimes turns sadness into a smile and other times turns a blank stare into tears. When I am sad, I enjoy strumming on my guitar or sitting down to write. I haven't been writing very much as of late which has allowed me to practice my poor guitar playing. I am not being modest.

maybe these are vague but I have been accused of similar crimes. I don't let many get close and allow very few get close enough to see the wrinkles around my eyes, the imperfections of my smile and the shadows behind my words.

let me hit you with some basic facts to end this blog. I wish I was well read. I love going to the zoo. I am afraid of the ocean. I prefer pie over cake. I never knew my grandparents and fear my children will share a similar fate. I speak spanish poorly. I put too much sugar in my coffee and tea. I agree with the person that said America's greatest inventions are the constitution, jazz and baseball. I love the static puff of sound from worn speakers when placing a record under the needle and flicking the on switch. I feel the first climb to 10,000 feet of air travel is unsettling. A quality back scratch might be more satisfying than winning $50 from a scratch off lotto ticket. I think spelling bees are cruel. There is something delicate yet sturdy about a ranch home on a vast piece of land that I admire. I am rather vain but lacking genuine confidence in my appearance. I suck at crossword puzzles. I hate losing. I fear disappointing my parents. I am a grown man with stuffed animals. I cuff my jeans. I talk to my car like it is my therapist. And like you, I am just trying to do the best I can with what I've got.