You Are What You Read (On the Toilet?)

There are many formulas for which you or I can casually observe someone and decode what kind of person they are. Your poker face, what you eat, what shoes you wear or who your friends are can say a lot about a person. Today I examine something I truly believe... You are what you read on the toilet.

Many already subscribe to the notion that you are what you read but I would like to break it down a bit further. What you read on the toilet says a lot about the type of person you are. Reading is very important and unfortunately in the USA there are sad statistics that show people don't read very much at all or don't know how to read. Statistics show that those who can read, choose not to read while those who can't read continue to struggle without help or the desire to change. Even with this information I choose to write a blog. Silly me.

I don't read as much as I should. My father reads a book every couple of days. I have friends that read books every day or two and I even have friends that will read books within a few hours. I am a summer reader which means I enjoy reading while sitting by the pool. During the winter, lazy snow filled sundays is when I find a book of interest and do nothing but read. A book per week would be a generous estimate but I am much better than the national statistics. Thank goodness.

A majority of my reading is done while I sit on the toilet. I admit it. Please don't be disgusted until you listen to my argument or be disgusted but still read the argument. Like Larry David in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, I have started sitting on the toilet to read while performing much of my business. I won't get into too much detail but by sitting on the toilet to urinate I've increased my sitting on the toilet by a large percentage. I have a team coming up with some figures. While on the toilet I have a little more time to read an article in the paper or in a magazine. I am not a fast reader by any means so books with short chapters or books like the Intellectual Devotional series are perfect for toilet reading. The Intellectual Devotional book series are books of general knowledge, each book with a certain theme with each page focussed on a particular topic. I don't know about you or how long it typically takes for your business to take place but while you pee you might be able to read a page or two about a variety of topics.

For me, I like my toilet to be surrounded with a wide variety of knowledge. I like a plethora of books to surround my bathroom. I never know what type of personal growth I'd like to explore while doing what natured intended either. History, sports, music, life, philosophy surround my toilet. I purchased a shelf for my toilet just so I would have a resting place for my books. Books and magazines can take quite a lot of counter space so a shelf was needed. I mean after all you can only put so much on the toilet tank.

My current toilet literature.

Truffuat by Antoine de Baecque and Serge Toubiana

The Mysterious Montague by Leigh Montville

Mockingbird With Me Luck by Chalres Bukowski

The Books of Basketball by Bill Simmons

Born Standing Up by Steve Martin

The Architecture of Happiness by Alain De Boton

The Diving Bell and Butterfly by Jean Dominique Bauby

On Bullshit by Harry G. Frankfurt

Etiquette for Men By G.R.M Deveroux

magazine - WaxPoetics issues 32-37, 39-42

magazine - Poetry issue April 2010

Bla Bla 600 Incredibly Useless Facts by Fredrik Colting

I've been meaning to switch some things up. Bring in a new starting line up to my toilet literature series. I recently purchased the Clash by the Clash. It's a large coffee table book on one of my favorite bands but I found it a bit awkward to hold a large book with a heavier weight on my lap during business time. I am not saying a large and heavy book is impossible or not worth pursuing but what happens if you need to stretch, use the book as a fly swatter, or if your knees start to buckle or if your legs were to fall asleep. I tried it out but I think a smaller the book allows you greater mobility and mobility is key on a toilet. Plus the cheap shelf posing as a metal shelf might not be able to handle a heavy book.

Either way, what you read says a lot about you. What you read on the toilet can say even more. What do you think about literature that surrounds my toilet? I'd like to think it screams "man of intrigue and mystery" or "international jet-setter of cool and ease." It probably says neither of those things. I'd even settle for, "profound but silly." Is all of this a little superficial? It might be but I'd feel a little bit bad or even feel like a lousy host if you came to my house, sat on my toilet and the option of a magazine or book was not made available to you. I don't know about you but that's how I would feel. Oh well, it wouldn't be the first time.

till next time.

ps. yes I know. My trash can is small and needs to be emptied.