Why? Paul Reiser... Why?

Why ? Paul Reiser... Why?

From 1992-1999 you were the creator, producer and star of your own hit show on NBC called Mad About You. It was a charming little show about marriage and family. It was the kind of show you didn't want to like but secretly did, about a marriage you never want to have but might not mind having because they oozed happiness. Just kidding, not trying to be a hater. I enjoyed the show. I found it charming and if I had a marriage like the two leads then I might find normalcy. Of course finding the girl, getting married and all that should probably come first. Either way, it was a cute, at times, very smart and a well done show.

It's other claim to fame was Helen Hunt. Hunt got bigger than Reiser in almost every way for about 5 years. She was huge. She won an Oscar and a bunch of Emmys. She was doing big budget movies and staring in little indie adventures and so forth. The show eventually ended and so did their huge careers. Hunt still does movies and guest stars in the occasional TV spots but Reiser has done little since the show ended in '99.

Reiser has only starred in a couple of films since the show ended and half of those were made for TV. Not knocking it but the guy has been in entertainment for 30 years. He has been around the block. He has been a part of some great television, so you might think film roles could have come a little easier but they didn't.

Reiser is unfortunately not a great actor and now, he comes back to TV starring in a show where he plays himself. He is taking the Larry David formula from Curb Your Enthusiasm and trying to make it his own with The Paul Reiser Show. A better title might not hurt.

The first episode was kind of painful. It's hard to see a smart and charming Reiser create a show to satisfy his need for relevance. Even in the very beginning of the first episode he explains that he is very satisfied with his life but he is not yet dead and is looking for what comes next. My suggestion, stay home, kick the camera out and be a family man. I know it has only been one episode but even at that you stooped low enough to get Larry David on your show and get him to playfully suggest that you, Reiser, should do a show similar to that of Curb Your Enthusiasm. What kind of television is that? It's bad television! I know NBC is desperate but come on!

Yes, there were two clever lines in the show but that doesn't save it. This idea is as bad as Seinfeld's Marriage Ref show and that got cancelled after only 10 episodes. I again, stress the need for a better title. A better idea wouldn't hurt either. Don't do this to yourself Reiser. You are better than this.

But wait, it's only been 1 episode. It could get better. What makes Larry David's show work is that it is a parody of celebrity, as well as Hollywood, and that David is such a horrible guy. The bad stuff that happens to Larry David is sad but also deserving and propels the show forward. This show has too much sincerity to be satire and Reiser is such a nice guy and good family man that the biggest problem he has is finding a job. That really is a sad sack of a problem when you don't really need a job. Do you think he needs a job, when he lives in a in a giant California home and Mad About You is in syndication somewhere, all the time? Mmm sweet delicious royalties. I don't think it's a big problem. Hard sell when so many people have so much less that need, I mean need a job.

TV strikes out again!

The Greatest American Band ?

Who is it?

well it it certainly isn't...

The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, the Who, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, the Clash, The Cure or Black Sabbath because those bands are English. Other English bands include the Kinks, Cream, the Police, the Smiths, Radiohead and a slew of others. A slew of others.

It's not Rush (Canada). It's not U2 (Ireland). It's not AC/DC (Australia). Even half of Fleetwood Mac is British. Queen is British and so is Coldplay.

So who is America's greatest band?

Let us talk about what it means to be "great" first. You have to have the albums, the concert tours, the live performances at festivals and at award shows, consistency, longevity are also a plus. You have to influence music and by that, not just how it sounds but how it looks and how the listener thinks about music. Greatness is not just one or two things but a multitude of things. One thing that does not matter at all, Grammy Awards. The Grammy Awards have no part here. Let's begin.

There are many candidates. Let us start by getting rid of a few.

Automatically disqualified

Van Halen - 3 (count them and rumored to be looking for #4) lead singers, each with different styles and sounds. Not that I don't enjoy them but I think we need more consistency.

Nirvana - Like one week of hot sex, the career was not long enough to say greatest of all time. The one that got away. Sadly I know, plus it is my belief that they would have become as irrelevant as Pearl Jam, Smashing Pumpkins, Stone Temple Pilots, Soundgarden and countless others that emerged from the grunge era.

Guns N' Roses - in 20 plus years of rocking and various band formations there just isn't enough music to support the argument. Appetite for Destruction does kick serious ass, just sayin'.

The Allman Brothers, Lynyrd Skynyrd and the Doors all faced the loss of a vital key member to their groups and for the sake of this argument, they cannot be considered for the top spot.

Run-DMC - Along with Jam Master Jay (hell yes, two turn tables count as an instrument, therefore, band!) they were fabulous throughout the 80's but the greatness didn't last long.

Tough Calls

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Now on guitarist #4, do the Peppers really have enough consistency over a 20 plus year career to be considered the greatest? Great band they are but easier to list great songs over great albums.

The Ramones - another band with rotating members. One of the founders of punk rock but come on, come on. I'd say easily one of the most important American bands but not the greatest.

Velvet Underground - A similar thing could be said about this band. Easily one of the most important American bands but not the greatest. Underground, art, alternative music would not exist without this band.

The Grateful Dead - This is tough. They have the following, the years deep in the trenches but any band that is defined by their live shows rather than their recordings is simply not going to cut it. I tend to think their best recordings were of them recording Dylan. Sorry.

Parliament/Funkadelic - This is just a confusing group but failure to recognize them is simply criminal. Two separate groups but the same with shifting members once guided by the genius that was/is George Clinton. Not unlike the Ramones or the Velvet Underground, this group is vastly important and influential but cannot be considered the greatest.

Beastie Boys - It's hard to believe that in 25 years these guys only have only like 8 albums to build the argument, one of those being a heavily ignored instrumental album. Not to mention that the band itself ignores much of it's early material.

Absolute No's. As in, Not Going To Happen.

The Eagles - No. Not bad stuff but you've written the same song over and over again since 1971.

Aerosmith - No. Not bad stuff but you've written the same song over and over again since 1972.

Kiss - No. Not bad stuff but you've written the same song over and over again since 1973.

I won't entertain arguments for Bon Jovi or Journey. I just won't.

So with all that said who can it be??????????

Metallica - Sure they've rotated bassists once, twice or thrice but the 80's and early 90's were pretty awesome. And they attacked Napster which they should have done. No that is not a typo. They should have attacked Napster.


R.E.M. - Sure they lost their drummer in the late 90's because he had a stroke on tour and then chose to become a farmer, this leading the band into a 10 year funk of mediocre recordings. They have recently relocated their swagger and are now 30 years strong with an undeniable influence on American pop rock.

Sly and the Family Stone - Easily one of the most important acts of the 60's and 70's with the records to prove it and legendary live shows to bolster the myths and legends.

Pearl Jam - Is anything of theirs as good as the first 3 albums? I think irrelevance hit them a long time ago but fans believe that the band is still recording their best material. I have yet to be swayed by that argument or the actual recordings.

The Beach Boys - Sure, they have rotating members and a whole lot of confusion about who owns the rights to the name "the Beach Boys" but let's face it, they were one of two bands to be just as important as the Beatles in the 60's (the other being the Rolling Stones). At that time the Beach Boys were America's best counter attack against the Brit Invasion.

Sonic Youth - One of the best bands to get so little recognition. I even almost forgot about them in the process of writing this blog. Heavily influential. You cannot spell alternative rock music without Sonic Youth but it is hard to put them on the list when the average Joe or Jane doesn't know who they are.

I don't know.... Who is America's Greatest Band? I'd love to throw in Prince and the Revolution or Bruce Springsteen and the E. Street Band but I am weary to place bands fronted by a musical geniuses who would have been good if not great with or without the band. Talking heads don't have the body of work and neither do the Replacements or the Pixies.

It's also sad that I really can't think of any band that has come out post 1998 on this list. The Strokes? Forget about it! It's been all down hill since their debut. The Arcade Fire is fabulous but they're Canadian.

Wait a second! There is a band, you might have forgotten but you can catch them late night 5 nights a week on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, The Roots!



Why not? The Roots have been recording music since the early 90's and have been consistently good throughout. Maybe they don't get the consideration because they do hip hop and that is just stupid. It is stupid to disrespect them because of their genre. After all those guys rock. Don't believe me then just check them out live sometime.

Who is the Greatest American Band? I don't know.

Why not throw in the Miles Davis Quintet. Oh but wait, which one? Could it be the first that features players like John Coltrane and Red Garland or should we consider the second that featured players like Herbie Hancock and Wayne Shorter? Let's not forget the orchestras of Duke Ellington or Benny Goodman. Let's not forget groups like Booker T. & the M.G.'s who not only had a solid career of their own but were the house band for Stax records and being the house band allowed them to record with great acts like Wilson Pickett and Otis Redding.

Who is the Greatest American Band?

Who else is there to consider? I don't know but the search and discovery is well worth it.

Baseball: 2011 Prediction

Someone once said that the three greatest things America ever invented were the Constitution, Jazz and Baseball. I have a hard time not agreeing with any of this.

I love the game of baseball. Though due to personal reasons like moving to the opposite end of the country, I have not followed spring training as much as I would like but here we go with some predictions.

American League

Central Winner - Chicago White Sox. I picked them last year and I was wrong. It's really up in the air who wins this division

West Winner - Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. I don't think Texas can repeat the magic.

East Winner - New York Yankees. Now that the Rays will suck and even though Boston reloaded, the Yankees have one more year of magic in them.

Wild Card Winner - Boston Red Sox. I think Becket and Lackey are done but the team has so much depth that will propel them into the playoffs where the offense will catch fire.

National League

East Winner - Atlanta Braves. I picked them last year and I was wrong. I think they shock everybody.

West Winner - San Francisco Giants. I think they have a young enough team with enough wild and cooky guys that they won't lose their edge.

Central Winner - Cincinnati Reds. Every other team in the division sucks.

Wild Card Winner - Philadelphia Phillies. Pitching will help a struggling offense.


But who wins in the playoffs?????

Well pitching is what wins in the playoffs, that and key hits during key situations. So... In the American League, I foresee the Angels playing the Red Sox for the American League Pennant and the Giants against the Phillies for the National League Pennant.

the World Series will be the Red Sox versus the Phillies, with Red Sox winning. (that is my heart speaking)

My mind thinks it will be the Giants versus the Yankess but fuck that.

Sleeper teams. The Oakland Athletics and the Milwaukee Brewers. Watch out!

another great year ahead. I love this game and like Ernie Banks would say, "let's play two."

Breast Saves Woman from Snake

In an attempt to encourage more sexiest behavior (insert evil laugh) I share with you this story.

According to my local radio station, theSun.co.uk, as well as other media outlets a model was filmed playing with a tame snake until she acts clumsily, lets go of the head and in a moment of carelessness and absolute hilarity the snake attacks her surgically enhanced boob.

What happens next is unbelievable but true with a lesson all women should learn. The woman would be fine. She survived the snake's onslaught with a trip to the emergency room and a tetanus shot. The snake did not survive the silicone poisoning.

Woman Vs. Nature? Woman. Or at least science.

Thank you science for body enhancement. Let this be a lesson to all women before playing with snakes. Don't be stupid and if you are stupid then get fake breasts first.

thank you and goodnight.

a link. enjoy

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3466265/Snake-dies-after-biting-girls-breast.html

Paper Towels. There Must Be Paper Towels

I hate when I walk into a bathroom, use the toilet, wash my hands (yes, I wash my hands) and there are no paper towels.

Hand dryers are WORTHLESS! I won't get into how sanitary (?) they are or how I am saving the planet by using them (?) or how they are never ever hot enough to dry anything. They are simply a waste. A waste I say.

Paper Towels. There must be paper towels! I don't want a hand dryer. I don't want that hand towel thing that hangs like wet laundry. What is that? you know it looks like a paper dispenser with a cloth towel that wraps in itself. I don't know. Explaining it just gets me all flustered. I hate it!

I need paper towels. Am I killing trees. Yes? I'll start to make an effort to try to plant more trees. I know that last sentence seems like progressive procrastination but come on, give me a break, I'm worried about hygiene.

Studies show that the dirtiest, most germ populated area of the the bathroom is the door handle. This is less scary when the bathroom exit involves a push door. I can open a push door with my foot but what if it is a pull door, a pull door with a handle or worse, a pull door with a handle that must be turned to open? In the worst scenario, I have to grab the hands twist it for long enough to open the door with a enough effort to get it open and catch the door with my foot. A paper towel eliminates some if not most of this fear. Okay, it eliminates a lot of this fear.

Bathroom door handles are dirty. I can say for a fact that they are dirty. You don't have to be a genius to discover this simple fact. An easy examination of any male bathroom would allow you to realize that 73% of men don't wash their hands. Yes, i know shocking. It is has been a fantasy of mine go to a hip place and spend a significant time in the bathroom only to record those that do and do not wash their hands and rat them out publicly. Unfortunately I have the bravery of Scooby Doo, the tact of Inspector Gadget and fighting skill of Dark Wing Duck which doesn't allow proper defense to ward off big and scary dudes. So that fantasy will remain a fantasy. By the way, a disclaimer - I have no way to prove that 73% figure. Of the remaining 27% that do wash their hands, 11% don't use soap or wash for more than 10 seconds. My goodness! With all these factors, why in the hell would you want to touch a bathroom door handle. Why in the hell would you want to shake hands with anyone? Ugh, I am scaring myself.

Dudes, stop being so rude and disgusting and wash your hands. I don't want to imagine what happens in the ladies room. No, imagination closed. The only good thing about the AH1N1 paranoia is that at least some people were and are willing to wash their hands more often or carry Purell. More and more places now have Purell stations for easy hand sanitizing and I am all for it. I am for forward progress. I am pro productivity. Hit me with your best shot! Sorry, I was feeling electric.

Paper Towels please. Save my sanity.

doesn't that feel good.

thank you and goodnight.

Radio Radio !!!

So I am driving west and unfortunately my CD player (yes, CD player) is on the fritz. I am driving thru Indianapolis combing through channels. I get stuck on a some classic rock classic and then another. So I bite. I even listen to the babble by the Disc Jockey's for a second or two.

I'm amused. I typically don't listen to the radio. Why? Because it sucks and after listening to this station my opinion won't change. But again my CD Player, (yes, CD player) was on the fritz. So they go back to the music and I am not annoyed or frustrated by the choices. It's typical Top 40 hits that you'd expect from a soft rock station. Then the babble comes back.

I don't know their names but I do know it was a man and woman (helpful right?) that began talking about the Grammy's. The guy casually joked about how surprising it was that Justin Beiber did not win the Best New Artist Award. This kind of joke is not offensive to me. The lady admits here amazement towards the Grammy's then the guy says that such things can be expected by the Grammy's because they like to shock people with who gets the awards even giving the Album of the Year honors to a band nobody has heard of. Really? Really?

Well I have heard of them and so have a lot of other people. If you don't believe me, Well it was #1 on NPR's Top Albums of 2010. It was #3 on Spin Magazine's list, #4 for Rolling Stone and # 11 on Pitchfork Media. So clearly some people know about this album and those people are singing it's praise. Maybe he was joking but I don't think so. Maybe he was just being a lazy and ignorant douche bag... Ding Ding Ding Ding, we have a winner !

Why say such harsh things? Well because either he thinks awards and award shows should only be for popular artists or maybe he thinks that just because he hasn't heard of the band that they aren't any good. In either case, he is an asshole. I mean it is not like he works for a radio station and cannot take a little time out of his day to find or listen to new music.... oh wait, he does work for a radio station and maybe he is just lazy or ignorant.

I was turned off by this and tried desperately to make my CD player work again. Thankfully, it did. This is just another example of blind ignorance that should not go unchecked. Check yourself Indianapolis 105.7. because you suck !

This is Why the Black Eyed Peas Suck

This just in - Reports from various strangers and friends all over the country convey disgust over the hugely annoying and untalented performance by the Black Eyed Peas during the Super Bowl halftime show are still coming in. It's Wednesday and still I hear the rumble and grumble of people complaining about how bad the show was.

So the halftime show was bad. Let me ask something... Did you really expect it to be that good. Sure, last year The Who were tremendously disappointing. Egh, The Who sucked it last year, so the NFL got tired of all the classic rock groups and decided to reach to the youth of America. Not a bad idea. After all the Black Eyed Peas did a fairly decent job of providing entertainment to all who attended the World Cup Ceremonial concert last summer. So why not get a pop group that is not offensive and plays anthem like pop/hip hop/dance songs that get people riled up? Sounds like a good plan.

So why hate on the Black Eyed Peas? Why kick them when they seem down? Why? Well in all fairness this hatred of mine started before the Super Bowl performance. It started last week while I was in my local Best Buy and I saw a display for the new Black Eyed Peas album. It was a cheap cardboard display that also featured the group's previous efforts, except for their debut album and their second album. Why hating on your first two records BEP? In fact if you go to any record store, you cannot find their first two albums at all. Most people don't even know of the first two albums. Most people don't know that Fergie, the leggy, fake dirty blonde in the group wasn't even a member of the group till their third release Elephunk in 2003.

Yes, Fergie was not an original member of the group. Her arrival coincides with the groups "selling out" phase. Yeah, fuck the quotations. They sold out.

Reason #1 to hate the Black Eyed Peas - THEY SOLD OUT !

Originally the group was comprised of it's three hip hop foot stompers, Will.I.Am., Taboo, and Apl.De.Ap. The group came out when popular hip hop music celebrated bling over substance, nonsensical lyrics over poetics, violence and sex over kicking it and good times. Maybe the same could be said about hip hop throughout it's history but that is not true. Only an idiot would say that and I'm not that idiot. The Black Eyed Peas not only stood against the stereotype that was late 90's hip hop but made fun of it. They called out Diddy (back then Puff Daddy) not only claiming that his music was bad but so was his dancing and fashion. BEP celebrated head bobbing rap that could make your feet twist and expand your mind. Songs like "Karma" from their 1998 debut Behind the Front are a clean cut example of this. Now, I'm not suggesting that the Black Eyed Peas were going to be the next Tribe Called Quest or De La Soul but it is sad that after two albums they stopped trying.

It's also no coincidence that notable underground or conscience hip hop stars like Mos Def, De La Soul, Chali 2na and others were on hand for the groups second effort, 2000's Bridging the Gap. In the group's latest incarnation, no illustrious hip hop stars to be found. It's sad.

Reason #2 to hate the Black Eyed Peas - Talent or the lack of.

If the Super Bowl performance is any indication of it, the Black Eyed Peas really don't have any talent. I'll admit, Will.I.Am the leading member of the group has worked with a variety of musical greats including Sergio Mendes, Carlos Santana, John Legend, U2, Nas and Usher. He has been cutting his chops in the music business since he was a teenager in the early 90's. and he does have a knack for a catchy hook. I am not doubting Will.I.Am's talent but his strength is as a producer not an MC or performer. Fergie seems like a product of the a good production studio. Her performance during the super bowl was either the result of bad audio mixing or lack of talent and vocal flexibility. Or maybe she had a cold. Did anyone notice or wonder why Fergie, a California native tried to come off as if she was from Brooklyn? What do the other two members of the group do? I have no idea. The other two shout the chorus, they occasionally say a line here or there and let's face it, the rhymes are simple and the flow is amateur... I am not that hip but I can do that.

Insults aside. I am not sure why people would want to see a concert in which the rappers/MC's are not very good at rapping, they can't sing, they can't dance and they don't or didn't play any instruments. Is it really that exciting to see 4 people standing around simply waving their arms without displaying any serious or credible vocal talent? I don't think so. Thank goodness for the glittery lights of the stage.

In the end, some groups are great live acts as their albums can never equally the intensity, energy and vitality that their concerts create. Some groups are great studio acts because they create powerhouse albums that are adored for generations but that sound, big or small is never captured live. Both are unfortunate and the great acts are the bands, musicians, or groups that succeed at both. It seems like the Black Eyed Peas fit in that category of making pop hits in the studio that don't come off any different on stage than hitting the play button on your I-Pod. Wait, I take that back, the I-Pod probably sounds better.